Becoming Me

Who have I become
Or who would I have been if I never ever did this
I know it's impossable to change the past
But either way, I can't help dwelling on it
It's pitch black in my room
And no one ever knows that I spend my nights crying
No one can tell me who I would have been
Do you know who I've become
It's finally hitting me that I'm just like
Those junkies on TV that I always feel so sorry for
I'm a razor junkie
Everything that's bottled up in me is pouring out
(Pouring out in my bittersweet teardrops)
Every time I've ever gave in
I've burnt those around me
I hate what I've done to my friends
Sometimes I feel so guilty that I want to die
And then things only get worse
And I know my death would only makes things worse
Am I so cruel?
My body goes into freak out mode
I start shaking from my legs to my teeth
I can't think straight
I zone out completly
When people tell me they're disappointed that I gave in,
All I want to do is hurt myself
This cycle is so brutal!
I can't look at myself without seeing scars
All I can do is close my eyes
Eventually my tears are all I feel
And my eyes slowly close
Even in dreams does my habit haunt me
I am never completly safe
But at least in sleep I cannot hurt myself
Do you know who I've become
Do you dispise me
I can't stand who I've become
I cannot fully grasp what I've done to myself, to my life
I fucking hate who I've become